All of you who have known me for quite some time must have known that i'm terribly bad at dealing with changes. And as you could have guessed, i still am not used to living life this way. Its as simple as not being used to the freezing weather, the environment, the way people make me realise how out of place i am. To be honest i don't like it here. I'm not sure if its because of the homesickness i'm feeling, or that's just an alibi i've been using to hide the truth. Because the truth is, half my heart didn't feel i belong here. And the truth is, it hurts so bad when i'm away from all the people that i love.
I'm not even used to living life this way. People used to get things done for me and now, i have to settle everything myself, my own way. While its a good opportunity in trying to be self-reliant and independent, i find it really hard to adapt. Sometimes I find myself feeling so weak, and breaking down especially after my mom hung up the phone, i feel so lonely. Every time my mom called, i feel safe and companied but the moment the line goes dead, the feeling comes again and all i could do was just to blame the reality.
Sometimes i wish this was all a nightmare, that it'll be over when i opened my eyes, but no, i always woke up in white painted room with gigantic booster. How i wish i could still sleep in my bed back home, waking up to the morning sun, feeling too sleepy to hit the gym but i did anyway. This feels like, i've just lost my world. Now that i'm here, i realised how much i actually love the people i left, and how much they really mean to me. My heart still cringes, so bad.
But thank God for my best friend, arwin who listened to all my heart felt rantings and complaints, always there to entertain me with all his bullshits. You're so nice. curhat buddy ftw :)
The key is to believe
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