no one will really understand this. maybe sha and cass will. thank you girls for listening to me, and debating for me, and arguing base on pointless facts, and comforting me, bearing with me, and having fun with me. yeah its precious. i just wish i had enough strength to spare for all the separation and goodbyes.
even though i'm always told since the beginning, to cherish the moments, make the best out of them and everything that follows, i can't do that. how to, knowing that those moments won't be moments anymore, but memories. or that time is running out. or that the fear of knowing its all gonna end soon, and that everything will be nothing but remains of memory. or is it the fact that memories can fade and soon i'll no longer be able to recall those moments? which one? or is it them all?
okay change.
i already said before, i wanna leave without any resentment towards anyone. so if you would stop being like that, it would help me get rid of that feeling a lot easier. if you really really really despise me or to some extent, hate me, please tell me why. I don't like being hated without knowing why. Don't give me that (tbh) fucking annoying attitude without having the guts to tell me why. maybe i won't understand or maybe the problem lies in you. but at least i know you're not some insane bizarre human that hates people out of nothing. there's a reason why i don't come to you and ask you why. people make mistakes, you know. i used to love you and care for you a lot and if you wanna think i'm faking it so be it. its your own thought anyway. but i've grown out of that. i quit the drama. and i'm happy now even without you. after all the incidents that happened to me, i learned and grew up. but i guess you didn't.
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