i really really really miss talking to you. even after everything you've put me through. sometimes your name appear and i thought, hey he used to mean so much to me. and that's all. all along i've managed to put up with all that thoughts and twinge of pain. but then i realise, its because i keep having to reassure myself, that i actually haven't put you behind me at all. why. why does it have to be so hard. 3 years. 3 years i live life trapped in this feeling. wanting so much to break free, trying so desperately to distract myself from that, from you. but it all comes back. as simple as reading your facebook updates. someone, please just tell me what to do. it still hurts. from everything. not only from the betrayal, from the losing, but also from the knowing that you didn't get snatched away. because you were never here. because you have every right to turn away, to go. i know you'll never read this and you'll never know how i'm doing now. i just wish the thought of you would stop coming back.
what do i see in you. idk. what do you see in her? i'm not in place to judge because no one is ever able to explain how feeling comes about. i want to be honest, but not hypocritical. and you're right. i don't understand. i guess i will never understand. but there's part of the story that you don't understand too. we haven't been talking, if you still count the days, you'd know how long. i do that without any difficulties now. its almost as if, i'm obliged to not talk to you. but just so you know, there isn't any day since you left where i haven't fought the urge to put you back into my life. but knowing that i don't mean that much to you is already enough to fight back. i'm really sorry i broke my promise. i told you we'll never lose contact. but now i'm learning to treat you like a stranger. sorry.
i wish you really well and happy with her
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